Self-love
Who do you love the most?
I have seen an experiment where people are asked who or what they love the most, and they go ahead to name their kids, parents, friends, pets, etc. This is amazing, but often the experiment aims to show us how we forget to add ourselves to the list of the things we love.
Inner critic
I know that most of us have that negative voice in our heads that criticizes us, showing us how we are not good enough. When I first began my intentional self-love journey, the first thing I did was become aware of my internal monologue. Our minds are too quick to come up with evidence of the things we did and failed, which makes us hesitant to try out things we like.
One time on campus, we were given an opportunity to present our group project. When it was my turn to present, all the talking points I had disappeared from my brain, and I couldn't even remember what I said, but I know it was gibberish, and I also know I was very embarrassed. This incident always came up every time I was required to speak to an audience. My mind would tell me, "You remember last time you tried this? What happened? You will just embarrass yourself".
Awareness is the first step towards change. I began to recognize what’s going on in my mind, and I intentionally changed it to positive. Instead of telling myself, "You can't do this. You have failed in the past. You will fail now", I changed it to, "You can do it. I believe in you". This is the beginning of self-love.
Be your greatest cheerleader. Speak nice things to yourself. For those of us with kids, we are always expressing our love to them, cheering them on, assuring them, and providing support. Why don’t we do the same to ourselves? How can we expect others to love and support us if we don’t love and support ourselves? The world is a mirror. Do to yourself what you wish the world to reflect.
Embracing the good and the bad
Self-love means loving and embracing everything about yourself, including the parts you have previously disliked.
For a long time, I didn't like my weight. I tried so many methods to be slimmer, but they were not working (Maybe because I was not consistent). I didn't like how my tummy looked in the mirror. I am not leaner now, but I love myself (even my protruding tummy). I love and embrace every part of myself. Even the characters that I initially thought were undesirable, such as holding grudges, being irritable, anger, etc. I love all of me. The good and the 'bad'.
If people judge you, will you join them to judge yourself? When you have accepted and embraced yourself, nothing that other people say about you matters because it is not true until you say it is.
Forgive yourself
Self-forgiveness is also part of self-love. Release yourself from the prison of negative attachment that keeps you from fully enjoying the present moment. Allow yourself to release the heavy resentment and past hurts to reclaim your emotional freedom. Holding onto past mistakes doesn’t serve you; it only keeps you in a negative loop. Embrace your mistakes and learn from them. Don’t waste time on guilt.
Begin your self-love journey: practical tips
1. Remain aware of the conversation in your head. Reframe negative thoughts to positive ones.
2. Look at yourself in the mirror every day (sometimes you will forget, but don't worry, return to it when you remember), tell yourself, "I love you, I value you, etc".
3. Take moments during your time to remind yourself that you care and support for you.
4. Practice self-care such as sleep, exercise, nutrition, etc.
5. Do things you love. Make your hobbies your little side quests. Immerse yourself and enjoy.
6. Protect your energy from things that drain you.
7. Create a safe space in your environment to be you.
Sending love and light to you, beloved readers!
